The hard truth – Understanding and overcoming haters

18th July 2011 · 0 Comments

By J. Kojo Livingston
Contributing Columnist

Part II
There are many types of haters.

Some just diss anything and anyone they encounter. They feel superior because they found a flaw in something or someone around them.

Of course you have the jealous haters. These folks get an attitude if you get a nice car or accomplish something. They are never happy to see anyone do anything worthwhile. In fact the only time they smile is when they hear bad news about you.

Then there are the saboteurs. Their purpose is to make sure that nothing happens that they are not running by spreading doubt, lies and confusion. Since most saboteurs don’t run anything, they just make sure that nothing happens.

Watching so many Black groups sabotage, attack and undermine each other used to make me wonder why the government wasted so much money on programs like COINTELPRO when all they have to do stand back and watch us devour each other. Then I realized that some of the haters in the movement actually DO work for the government.

Possibly the worst haters are what I call the “holders.” If you’ve been convicted of a felony or used to be on drugs you probably know what I’m talking about. The U.S. government is a major holder. They hold a conviction over your head to hold you back from advancing in life. Any felony conviction is a life sentence. You can’t get a college loan, live in affordable housing or get a decent job. It’s as if they are saying “Because you have done wrong, we won’t allow you to do right.”

But there are personal holders, sometimes even close to you, who try to hold you down in the confines of your shortcomings or bad choices.

Don’t give anyone the power to define you based on your faults or mistakes. Admit your faults, deny the lies, keep improving yourself and move on. When the haters strike, do the one thing for them that they can’t do for you…forgive them. Then keep moving forward, keep doing good, keep being a blessing. That, in itself, is victory.

In general haters are the ultimate “bottom feeders.” They feast on the waste/mistakes/flaws of others. We’ve all done something to earn some criticism. If you’ve taken a fall you must remember that your sins, errors, bad choices are just that — your waste. You produced it, but it is no longer a part of you. What these haters do is wallow in the feces of the fallen. They fill their mouths, hearts and minds with this crap and then spit it (some do it repeatedly) into the faces, ears and hearts of anyone dumb enough to listen…and this makes them feel cleaner than others.

At some point people usually start to see haters for what they really are. But don’t wait for that day. Keep your goals in front of you. Shake off the hits and lose yourself in the work of fulfilling your destiny. God ain’t a hater and still has great plans for each of us…even the haters.

Black self-hate is a product of centuries of programming that makes it difficult for most of us to appreciate ourselves or anyone who is like us. The folks who programmed us cannot be expected to de-program us. We have to do this for ourselves and to ourselves.

Which brings us to your homework: First, find something GOOD to say about every Black person you encounter today. Second, go a full day without un-constructively criticizing anyone. Third, for three weeks check to see if you are using words to put out more positive or more negative energy.

We can break the cycle of self-hate. Why? Because Black Love is stronger than Black self hate…

…and That’s the Hard Truth!

This article was originally published in the July 18, 2011 print edition of The Louisiana Weekly newspaper