The evil you know
1st October 2018 · 0 Comments
By Edmund W. Lewis
Editor
It’s easy to be godly and gracious when things are going well for us; it’s when things begin to really fall apart that we are truly tested. When we fail those tests, the people around us often suffer greatly.
From time to time, we need to remind ourselves that the world is the way it is because of the presence of evil. Selfishness, vindictiveness, hatefulness and spitefulness are all by-products of evil.
I remember as a kid being scared to death when a minister explained to me that every night while I lie asleep a battle for my soul was being waged by my guardian angels and demonic forces. Talk about feeling the pressure. For days after that conversation, sleep was the last thing on my mind. But then I began to remember the words to the song “Angels Watching Over Me” and that kind of settled my spirit and let me know that everything would be alright.
While almost all belief systems promise divine credit for forgiving those who cross us, there is no good reason to continue to place ourselves in the paths of destructive people. Yes, we should forgive those who trespass against us but I don’t think the Creator would blame us for removing ourselves out of situations that distract us from the straight and narrow path.
We owe it to ourselves to insist upon having personal and professional relationships that contribute to our overall well-being. The martyr thing, where we keep turning the cheek to accommodate people who wrong us, is highly overrated. You give people chances to redeem themselves and if they can’t get it right, you keep steppin.’
We also owe it to ourselves to surround ourselves with people we can love and trust without having to worry constantly about being stabbed in the back or made to feel unworthy.
We are setting ourselves up for failed relationships and disappointment whenever we choose to associate with people who have not proven they are worthy of our loyalty and trust.
I think we need to get back to setting high standards for the company we keep. Here are some of the ways to recognize true-blue people:
• Authentic people don’t resent you for being happy or experiencing success.
• Authentic people don’t expect more of you than they’re willing to give you.
• Authentic people accept you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
• Authentic people don’t abandon you when you are no longer able to do the things that benefit them.
• Authentic people don’t routinely “shortchange” you.
• Authentic people don’t avoid telling you the truth just because it is difficult or painful.
• Authentic people don’t routinely run you into the ground or take you for granted.
• Authentic people don’t base their interaction with others on how their day is going.
We should spend at least as much time looking for authentic people as we do shopping for good schools, decent homes and reliable cars. It’s safe to say that we’re not going to find an abundance of solid- gold people because different folks have different agendas and priorities. While some people might be genuinely interested in reaching out to others and connecting with them, others simply want to have fun or find a way to spend their free time.
One of the greatest things about the people we choose to invite into our lives is that we get to choose them, unlike family members. We get to actually shop for friends and comrades who will treat us the way we deserve to be treated and challenge us to be the very best we can be.
Once we find people we feel comfortable letting into our inner circle, we need to set barometers for what is considered acceptable and appropriate behavior.
The wise individual understands that trust is something that must be earned, not given to the first person who comes along. Authentic, long-lasting relationships are built one day at a time and involve a great deal of care and work.
One of the things you learn as you go through life is that people are not always who they say they are. But most people aren’t going to show you their hand. Only when their backs are against the proverbial wall or they believe they won’t be discovered will some people reveal their true selves. It is our responsibility to know who we are dealing with at all times in order to make good decisions.
If someone is going to betray your trust or let you down in some other way, it’s better that it happens early on rather than when the stakes are higher and you have invested heavily in a relationship. And while I don’t generally endorse playing games with people, I do think it’s prudent that we find ways to test the limits of friendship, trust and loyalty without doing harm to anyone involved. After all, it’s always good to know where you stand with the people in your life.
While it’s generally not a good policy to cut someone out of your life for one or two mistakes, it is perhaps prudent to develop a knack for identifying patterns of behavior that make it clear how much we are valued by those we invite into our lives. None of us is perfect, but we must devise some means of protecting ourselves against encroachments on our spiritual, mental and emotional health.
There comes a time when we must put an end to toxic relationships, those that poison our mind and spirit or simply bring out the worst in us.
I’m a firm believer in the notion that we teach people how to treat us. Whenever we allow friends and loved ones to take advantage of us, we’re telling them that it’s okay to routinely mistreat, disregard and disrespect us. It’s important that we take a stand and hold those who wrong us accountable. They deserve that kind of honesty and so do we.
We all deserve to be happy and to have dependable, authentic people in our lives. Life is too short to go through it not knowing who you can trust and depend on. We have a divine right to demand respect and reciprocity from those closest to us.
As we move through life, we must constantly evaluate ourselves to determine whether we are living up to the Creator’s standards for us. While all of us fall miserably short of the grace and glory of God, we must still strive to behave in a manner that reflects and affirms the presence and influence of the Creator in our lives.
Our values, principles, standards, convictions, character and self-imposed limits go a long way toward determining how we treat others. We must be committed to finding and maintaining friendships and associations with people who challenge us to become better human beings, people who strive to bring out the best in us and insist that we do the same for them.
In the end, we must remember that evil is anything and everything that separates us and others from the love of God.
This article originally published in the October 1, 2018 print edition of The Louisiana Weekly newspaper.
