Celebrating Love
11th February 2019 · 0 Comments
By Kelly Parker
Contributing Writer
In 2017, with the help of Oprah Winfrey, stories and lessons of love of marriage from the Black community were shared by way of her OWN series, Black Love.
This celebration has in many ways started a movement, highlighting the joys, while sharing realities of the journeys of Black couples; helping break the stereotypes of either dysfunction or non-existence.
For every account of relationship failures, there are many success stories of Black love to counter. From chance meetings at events, the club, the halls of high school or college dorms, black love is lasting, inspirational, real and even making history, right here in NOLA.
Earl and Michael Benjamin-Robinson
Married: Three and a half years.
Love Lagniappe: Married on June 29, 2015, Earl and Michael were the first same sex couple to legally marry in the state and started the first Black Gay Pride celebration in Mississippi in 2004 and opened its first LGBT resource center.
LW: Can you talk about what it means to play such a significant role in the state’s history and progress regarding gay marriage rights?
MBR: it is truly an honor and privilege to be apart of such a historical moment! Before the ruling we had a feeling that our state might protest by not allowing marriage licenses. In fact, a couple of nights before showing up to vital records to submit for our license, we called our parents to warn them that they could potentially see on local or even national news.
EBR: I remember thinking I was doing this publicly for all the LGBT community members who cannot speak for themselves. Someone has to represent and stand up for us.
LW: How did you know that you had met the one?
MBR: For me, I knew right away. In fact, I told myself that he would be my husband. Little did I know how literal that would eventually be. After we talked for hours at our first meeting it was clear that we shared many philosophical viewpoints about life and love.
EBR: We both bonded over the understanding of the oppression felt by being a Black gay man in the south. We saw each other.
LW: Is there anything that surprised you about marriage?
MBR: Since the union of marriage had been denied to us the purchase of our house was our marriage of sort. So we had already accepted the concept of being together for the rest of our lives. However the legalization of the union legitimized things for us. No longer were our friends and family the only ones who acknowledged our love. Now even total strangers have to respect our union, if nothing but in title alone.
LW: What would you say has helped you maintain a healthy relationship, partnership and marriage?
MBR: As a marriage therapist, I teach that all healthy relationships require the foundations of love, trust, respect and communication. In order to maintain a healthy partnership, these aspects must be worked on and nurtured. While this has not always been easy. Earl and I have put in the time and work to nurture these aspects of our relationship. It’s an ongoing process.
LW: Has the stigmas and stereotypes of Black relationships affected your outlook on love? If so, How?
MBR: Same gender love, especially Black same gender love has been demonized. In is an inescapable fact that some people will hate us without even knowing us. What’s worse is sometimes when this hate sometimes comes from the larger Black community. Like the Black community, the LGBT community does not want special treatment, we just want equity, the right to love who we want – the opportunity life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Lillie and Valiant Cuiellette, Jr.
Married: 21 years
Love Lagniappe: The two college sweethearts are parents as well as business partners—They are Co-owners of New Orleans Car Service.
LW: What moment did you know/figure you’d met the one?
LC: I knew Val was the one when I found that I could not kiss him goodnight after several dates. I had butterflies when he came close to me and I knew the first kiss would be far too special to rush it. He was kind, generous, and made me laugh harder than anybody ever had.
VC: During Happy Hour, of course! Lillie and I always have a great time together.
LW: How has your partnership in business affected your partnership as husband and wife”
LC: I have realized that I am on the team of a lifetime. There are no decisions to be made without considering how it will affect our unit. I cherish our partnership as we navigate through our journey.
LW: What would you say is one of the biggest misconceptions about marriage?
LC: One big misconception about marriage would be that people expect a mate to make them happy. We alone are responsible for our own happiness. Choosing a partner for life is beautiful and profound, however one needs to be and feel whole without the expectation that another soul will complete them. I Walking hand in hand through this journey while sharing and appreciating the individual experiences we have along the way is necessary for a healthy relationship. This is proof that friendship is still at the heart of couplehood.
Ariel and L. Kasimu Harris
Married: A little over a month—nuptials took place December 22, 2018
Love Lagniappe: You’ve likely seen Kasimu’s photography on display at NOMA and/or the Odgen Museum of Art. Ariel is the founder of the celebrated mentoring organization for young African-American girls, the Orchid Society. The two married at Historic St. James A.M.E. Church, one of the oldest churches in the city.
LW: (Ariel)Your chance meeting was at an event, in which Kasimu was working a function, how long after this encountered did you guys go out on an official date? And what were your thoughts afterward?
AH: He got my number the day before Valentine’s Day. He didn’t call me the next day. On that Sunday, he called me and he officially asked me out to the Joan Mitchell Center for a get together. I was already with my Soror at the time and I asked her to join me.
He made it clear to me the immediacy of wanting to see me again. This was a lost form to me. I never went through a phase with him questioning if he liked me or wanted to get to know me more. I remember feeling a mutual excitement to learn more about each other.
LKH: She was really easy to be around. So much so we saw each other 25 plus consecutive days after our first official date. Sometimes it seemed coincidental, and it really didn’t matter what we were doing, we just enjoyed being in each other’s company.
LW: When did you know you had found ‘the one’?
LKH: I had the feeling when I first met her, and feelings became fact over the course of the relationship. As the relationship progressed, we seemed to have the ability to overcome life’s adversities. It didn’t matter how little or how much we had, we knew we developed an unwavering love. One important moment, was when I saw he hold my 8-month year old son for the first time. It looked like she had an instant love for him and that stood out to me. When most people would run away from that situation, she ran to it.
AH: I knew he was the one when I realized that I was willing to accept his flaws and be patient with the growth of his career. As a black woman, I was raised in a family where my father was a true provider. So no matter how well off I was in my own career, at the time we met, I knew that it was important to me that whomever I settled down with, had goals and would be willing to be that provider for me and my children one day. Kasimu was an aspiring artist, writer and photographer the time we met. This made me feel uneasy at first, however when I got to know him more and saw his determination and commitment to his craft, I began to believe in his ability to truly make a career out of his dreams.
LW: What advice would you give to single friends/relatives yet to find their soulmate?
AH: Your time is valuable. Red flags are just what they are. You cannot change anyone or make anyone be who you want them to be. Don’t block blessings wasting time. Spend it on nurturing relationships that hold you and treat you to the highest regard. Once you take YOUR time seriously, it will filter out all the noise and you can see clearly who should be in your space. It will be so worth it in the end.
Poland and June Perkins
Married: 55 Years
Love Lagniappe: The two met in high school and married soon after in 1963.
June didn’t have to change her name when marrying Poland-she was already (June Perkins)
The couple have 2 daughters and 3 grandchildren
LW: When did you first meet Poland?
JP: In my junior year of high school, at Booker T. Washington
LW: What do you remember about some of your first encounters? What did you think of him when you met him?
JP: I was very shy, but he always found me wherever I was. I didn’t know how to start or hold a conversation, but he would just stand around with me, or we would walk around the school. One day I wanted to get rid of him, so I told him I had to go to the bathroom and of course, he walked me to the bathroom. I hung around in the bathroom for a few minutes and figured he’d be gone by the time I came out. No way. He was waiting for me to come out. I was so embarrassed.
LW: (Poland), what made you so persistent? What was it about June that you liked initially?
PP: She was pretty. I liked the way she looked.
LW: What is the key to your commitment of marriage to June?
PP: Bottom line-Love. That’s what helped me stay committed. I loved June and always wanted to be with her.
JP: We never take each other for granted. Something we always we did, whether we had money to celebrate or not; we never forgot to acknowledge or celebrate a birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day… Christmas. My husband never forgot to show love and appreciation for me or his children. Also, we always worked together-sharing many responsibilities. He would never say (house work) was woman’s work. He would help clean the house, wash dishes, change diapers and bathe the kids. Today we are both in our seventies, and we are still working together.
This article originally published in the February 11, 2019 print edition of The Louisiana Weekly newspaper.
