Sharing others’ darkest moments

23rd January 2012   ·   0 Comments

By Fr. Jerome LeDoux
Contributing Columnist

Sojourning in the Big Easy for a couple of book signings, I had the blessing of being called to the bedside of David Derokey who was waging a losing battle against advanced cancer. But first I had to pay homage to his bedridden mother Eva LeMelle Derokey, a gentle matriarch of 92 years still possessed of a clear mind and spirit.

After an inspiring conversation with the faith-filled lady, I administered to her the anointing of the sick as advised by James 5:14-15. Then I walked into the next room where David lay in the company of his son Kirk. Emaciated by the cancer and failing fast by the day, David recognized me immediately and managed a brave smile.

We recalled my meeting him and his mother when he was a large child of nine years. After chatting about things such as his uncle Johnny and I straining to out-duel each other firing a baseball harder and harder at Sunnybank, the SVD Missionaries summerhouse, I told him I had anointed his mother and invited him to receive the same anointing.

I left the apartment complex thanking God for allowing me to be there at that heaviest moment in the life of David, his mother and the rest of their family. That was December 12, 2011, when I was positioned perfectly to be at the scene at the right time.

Just after Christmas, I was back for two book signings, but at that time there was a breakdown in communication between me and the Derokeys. It somehow evaded me that David had died on Thursday, December 22, and it further slipped my attention that his Mass of Resurrection was going to be celebrated the following Thursday.

Only after returning to Fort Worth and reading an email from David’s uncle Tilden LeMelle did I realize how badly I had failed to keep track of what was happening with David. One more time, I was taught a bitter lesson, depriving me of the opportunity to join the LeMelles and Derokeys in David’s homegoing Mass.

All I could do was call David by name and commemorate and pray for him and his family at the three weekend Masses at Our Mother Of Mercy Church.

David took his considerable size from his father who preceded him in death 10 years earlier. He was also preceded in death by his mother’s distinguished brother, Wilbert J. LeMelle, Professor at Grambling State University, at the University of Denver, Assistant Professor at Boston University, and Ambas­sador to Kenya and Sey­chelles.

Presently residing in New Rochelles, NY, David’s elder uncle, Tilden LeMelle, became acting president of New York City Technical College in 1988 after serving in a series of administrative positions in The City University of New York, including Associate Provost and Acting Provost, Pro­vost/Vice President, and Acting President of Hunter College, an Acting Vice Chancellor of CUNY and finally President of the Univ­ersity of the District of Columbia before retiring.

All these folks, including David, came out of New Iberia, Louisiana on Bayou Teche where many of their relatives still live. As happens so frequently on the national scene, people from relatively humble origins move on to slot into remarkable careers.

The LeMelle/Derokey clan have dubbed me family chaplain, a moniker I deeply appreciate. However, I could have done a lot better during David’s last days had I taken better care of our lines of communication. I intend to remedy that now and into the future.

When it comes to communication with those dear to us, we cannot take too many pains to contact them frequently, for it has happened often by oversight or loose habits of communication that close relatives and friends were not informed of serious illness or even death. In fact, such miscommunication has happened among my own relatives.

For each of us, in the best of times, in the worst of times and in the bittersweet times, it is a great honor, privilege and joy to accompany and support one another in all the experiences of our lives. Most importantly and most critically, we want to be there for our relatives and friends when life’s shadows grow long and the end is near.

In what is the darkest and most melancholy hour for most people, we want to keep our dear ones company, cheering them on by prayers and love to make it across the finish line full of faith, hope and love. Of all the acts of kindness, love and sharing we can offer others, the end-time love is the greatest and most vital in our epic journey back to God.

This article was originally published in the January 23, 2012 print edition of The Louisiana Weekly newspaper