Becoming all God wants us to be
12th September 2011 · 0 Comments
By Jerome LeDoux
Contributing Writer
Oral variations of the Serenity Prayer date back 80 years or so, but the written version, originating with pastor/theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in 1937, reads:
O God and Heavenly Father,
Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
The best-known form of the Serenity Prayer, very popularly used by the Alcoholics Anonymous fellowship and other 12-step organizations, is:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Very difficult to achieve, acceptance is one of the most fundamentally important and basic realities in our lives. Just as the other two parts of the Serenity Prayer, courage and wisdom, acceptance covers every aspect and all the circumstances of our lives. It pervades our home and family life and it is the linchpin of all our relationships.
When we say all our relationships and every aspect of life, we include differences of origin, culture, personality, character, ethnicity, religious practices, education, taste, employment, class, status, politics, recreational pursuits and communication skills.
From these qualities and conditions, it is quite patent that acceptance entails disciplining and grooming our beliefs and attitudes in life so that we will be able at least to tolerate these differences in others. Better than tolerance, we can learn to accept these things with a peace and serenity that gives us the quality of life we so desire.
On the one hand, acceptance is the condition we pursue most avidly in life. We want to be accepted just as we are, for who and what we are. It is so vital that, where it is lacking, young people in particular resort to groups such as gangs to be their accepting family. Acceptance by outlaws is considered far better than none at all.
We all see acceptance as the one necessary precondition, the main gate through which come tolerance and, even more, respect, appreciation, fondness and the ability to love and cherish another human being. If we are accepted, everything else falls in place.
Frankly, it is quite difficult for a spouse to accept/tolerate for a long time some of the most common, seemingly unchangeable things such as teeth-clicking, snoring, a nervous twitch, a high-strung personality, a phlegmatic personality, a short-fused temper, a penchant for nonstop talking, or near zero interest in any communication at all.
In short, neurotic behavior of some kind at some level is so prevalent that one’s chances of marrying a neurotic are considerable, and high are the odds that one neurotic will wind up walking to the altar with another neurotic. While such lower-level neurotics are not ready for the booby hatch, they can be nearly impossible to live with.
It is seriously troubling in relationships that relatively few people are well-versed in the social graces. The result is that most people have chronic bouts with fits of boorishness, uncouth behavior, lack of grace and manners at table and many areas of life.
Accepting a person just as she/he is and for whom she/he is does not mean that one condones what is lacking or wayward in personality or character. This is where courage enters the picture, as one tries with tact, might and main to change someone, a condition or situation for the better. Sadly, after many years, utter despair may follow acceptance.
If one knows, having the serenity to accept the things one cannot change and having the courage to change the things one can is not overly difficult. But it is far more difficult to acquire the wisdom to know when to continue trying to effect change or when to stop and accept things the way they are. Discernment is the most difficult feat of all.
Serenity/peace, then, does not consist in accepting the unacceptable, nor does it consist in being courageous enough to attack all the problems in our life. Rather, serenity, is the ultimate pursuit of wisdom that leads either to resignation to the things we must suffer, or to the battle for meaningful physical, mental and spiritual change in our lives.
This article was originally published in the September 12, 2011 print edition of The Louisiana Weekly newspaper
