Featuring the Trump-pets

By James Clingman
TriceEdneyWire.com Columnist

The latest political circus is indeed the “Greatest Show on Earth.” Come one, come all! See the trained elephants, dancing, marching in perfect order, and balancing on relatively tiny stools, staying there until the ringmaster directs them to step down. There are monkeys doing all sorts of tricks, raging tigers that are made docile the moment the ringmaster puts his hand up. The fiercest among all the animals is one by the name of “Scary Moochie,” a roaring lion, always ready to tear someone’s head off. But even he has been tamed to slither off into a corner when ordered. What a circus!

The magician is amazing! Her name is Sarah “Huckster” Sanders; she makes facts disappear quicker than the eye can discern. Her talents are unlimited as she takes what the ringmaster says and turns it into something completely different, all the while saying she is “always honest” which, if that is true, means the ringmaster is lying. She performs exclusively in a small standing-room-only tent filled with reporters whom she treats like third-graders. She can tell them anything in answer to their questions, ignore them as she pleases, threaten them, and disappear in a heartbeat by abruptly walking out of the room, always leaving them wanting more. They never applaud for her performance though.

Then there are the cabinet clowns; they are so funny. They convened under the big top and made the entire world laugh by taking their individual turns to praise, laud, glorify, and thank the ringmaster for “blessing” them with the privilege and honor of being in his circus. Now that was really funny, strange but funny.

The trained dogs are especially hilarious. They jump through flaming hoops, run around in circles, jump on the back of the dog in front, and bark on command. They can push large heavy balls uphill on a narrow plank, and stand on their hind legs to beg the ringmaster for a treat. There is Spicer the Toy Poodle Lap Dog, Priebus the “blessed” Chiwawa, Conway the “alternative fact” Pit Bull, and Pence the Christian Bull Dog, who refuses to allow his professed morality stop him from salivating in response to his real “master,” Trump, otherwise known as Pavlov.

The dancing bears, Don Jr., Eric, and the Kushner’s are so cute and lovable, but upon closer observation the audience can see their ferocity, avarice, and their treacherous willingness to attack anyone on behalf of their “Trump-pet master.” Nothing is out of bounds for them; nothing is off the table. If they see something they want they take it, either by portraying their cuddly side or by activating their ferocious side.

The tightrope walkers and trapeze acts, comprising sycophants who just want to be in camera shot, even if it means falling, perform without safety nets; the trained seals do their balancing acts as well. They will lie, cheat, and distort reality right before our eyes; the main culprit in that group is Corey “…I have no clients whatsoever [in Ohio]” Lewandowski. It is a full-blown, three-ring circus, folks, whose purpose is to keep us amused and diverted from the important issues of our time.

The Trump circus characters have mad skills. Instead of a fire-eater there is a fire-breather named Stephen Miller. There are two court jesters to defend the ringmaster on CNN: Jeffery Lord, who has a Ronald Reagan séance each time he is on TV, and “Smiling Jack” Kingston, the former Congressman who cracks himself up trying to defend the indefensible. There are several strong men the ringmaster calls “My Generals,” an organ grinder and a dancing monkey named Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson, a Trump-hater turned Trump-lover, named Nimrata “Nikki” Haley, who performs before the entire world, and there’s Chief of Security, Wayne LaPierre, just in case anyone in the audience gets too close to the performers.

The ringmaster, Donald Trump, is the Jim Henson of politics. Henson had his Muppets; Trump has his Trump-pets. He orchestrates his political circus with the aplomb of a master showman, reaching even into the hinterlands to entertain his Trump-pets in the remote corners of this nation. There are shows on a daily basis, and there is no admission fee.

Now let me give my disclaimer. I don’t have love for either political party, so please don’t think this is dump on Trump article. I’d write the same thing if Obama had carried on this way. Besides, I love a good circus every now and then. But I say Black people should follow the example of the UniverSoul Circus and establish our own political party and, thus, our own circus featuring our own performers. What say you? Meanwhile, watch my seat; I’m going to get some more cotton candy.

This article originally published in the August 14, 2017 print edition of The Louisiana Weekly newspaper.